The Blog In The High Castle

Riding That Pony Solo

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Internet, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, June 11

These videos and more can be found at Dancing Alone to Pony, which as you can see, is people doing some solo grinding to Ginuwine’s 90’s club banger Pony.

Nevermind he’s in a kindergarten classroom at 4AM.

I’m still trying to find a way to sync up all the videos so they dance in unison.

DANCING ALONE TO PONY

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Beverly Hills Ghost

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Thursday, June 10

I had a moment in my busy schedule to sit down and read an OK! Magazine from cover to cover in the magazine aisle at Safeway last week. Not really, but I’ve see too many people doing it. Laying in the magazine aisle reading Details or Easy Rider. I know it’s a recession, but come on people! Read it on the toilet, like I do.

I digress….

Last week, Ok! Magazine reported that Vanessa Hudgens moved out of her mansion and back in with her parents. Why, you ask?  Apparently, her HOUSE IS HAUNTED! So says OK!:

This was the actress’ first home on her own. But now, after hearing doors slam shut and footsteps in an empty guest bedroom, Vanessa, 21, is back to crashing with her parents.

…and she’s taking the chandelier.

Apparently though, this report is false, and has been categorically denied by Vanessa Hudgens publicist, who says she is staying with her parents during renovation of the house.  Uh huh… more like exorcism. Now, I’ve actually seen a ghost, AND I’ve been to the Winchester Mystery House three times now, so I like to think of myself as an expert on ghosts, and I gaurantee that it’s probably haunted… with the ghost of those nude pictures she put on the internet.

That being said… Good for  you, OK! Magazine.  I’m glad you’re finally speaking my language.  Sure, you can do your ‘Who Wore It Better: Baby Edition’ spreads week after week…

Suri for sure, Violet’s trying too hard.

Or you can start covering famous people with haunted houses.  Make ghosts chic again. Beverly Hills Ghost you can call it. Headlines? Don’t get better than: River Phoenix seen breaking mirrors at the Viper Room or Michael Jackson spotted in a restroom in Disneyland. Both of which you could never use otherwise. Well, the magazine is all about pictures, you say? Seriously?  If the paparazzi can take this photo of lady gaga, imagine the ghost photos these guys can get.

In the next September Issue.

Ghosts can be a great accessory, too:  What kind of ghost do you have?  Me? Well I found my ghost in a small village in the south of France.  She hung herself when her truffle pig died.  She’s pretty quiet, only moans at night, overall very quaint.   What about you? None other than Phil Spector’s wife. Wow! She’s always turning the television on, and once she possessed my daughter.

If I had to choose anyone to haunt me… it’d probably be WC Fields. He’d probably drink all my booze and break my chairs, but it’d be worth it. Maybe Chaplin, he’d be a lot more quiet.

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Angels with Milk Covered Faces

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Wednesday, April 21

Breast Milk Offends

A Billboard in Cleveland has caused quite a stir. Pictured above, it promotes breast feeding, depicting a satisfied baby with breast milk dribbling down it’s chin, with the headline, ‘Breast milk satisfies’.

Apparently, the offense lies not in the word ‘breast’ displayed or the inference that this cute little baby just got done breast feeding, but rather the picture of the breast milk on the baby’s face.

“When I first saw it I thought, you know, I agree with breast milk, it’s fine but then I saw it with the milk around its mouth and I though that was so unappealing. The baby’s cute, but I did not like the milk coming out of his mouth” said Stephanie Swan.

I think this is absolutely ridiculous, but who am I to say what people should and shouldn’t be offended by though? On the internet, no less.

Instead, I offer a rebuttal, in the form of a series of portraits by the Iranian born artist Ashkan Sahihi entitled CUM SERIES:

C

K

J

Seems to me, people have better things to be up in arms about than a little breast milk.

Ohio Billboard Promotes Breastfeeding, Offends Some

Ashkan Sahihi

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Keep an eye on Helsinki

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Friday, March 5


Buster (18)

I’m wearing my grandfather’s old stuff. Shoes are Filippa K. I’m not comfortable with new, modern clothes. I like classic, anonymous style like school uniforms and marine clothes. I like to think that I can dress old-fashioned but keep my mind fresh.

Have you ever been reading the Kalevala, and find yourself thinking, ‘I wonder what’s going on in Finland?’ I do, so I frequent Hel-Looks, a photo journal of Helsinki fashion. The fashion is stark, the descriptions are charming, and the site is simple. Kind of like the people. More than just what people are wearing though, it’s an interesting view into a culture that I identify with, yet know little about.

Kalle (35)

I’m wearing a party outfit because we are having a small holiday with my family. Before my style was more dandy-like and natty. Now it’s more flexible because of the children.I like bright colours that remind traffic signs. They are so urban and prosaic.

Liisa (20)

I’m inspired by the styles of old French men, dress shirts and clear lines. Material and quality are the most important things what comes to clothes. Lately I’ve worn black jeans shorts with a wide top.

Mikko (22)

Recently I dyed all my clothes black. It was too hard trying to match the colours. Lately I’ve been thinking about Finnish identity and inspired by artist Martta Tuomaala.

Website: Hel-Looks

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I Wish They All Could Be Pretty Boys 2

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Saturday, February 20

Apparently the Guido phenomenon isn’t confined to the shores of Jersey. Pretty Boys 2: The Second Coming, a Danuido (Danish Guido?) compilation video from Denmark.  All set to seminal Rammstein song Du Hast.

I try to avoid perpertuating annoying fads, but I’ll take every chance I can stick it to the Danish. Take that enlightened magnificent Norse Gods! Stick that in your Hague.

PLUS!!! Pretty boy Hans Christian Anderson. It’s UN-CANNY.

AIDS-3D: Think about it.

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Internet by CMO on Thursday, February 18

Discarded Mask (2007)

Burning Bluetooth (2008)

Meet AIDS-3D, otherwise known as Daniel Keller and Nic Kosmas. Two American artists based in Berlin.  It’s hard to really describe these guys, but from the information I’ve gathered, I’d say they form feedback loop of what’s happening in the current art world to the point of abstraction or ‘Answering questions stoners ask with an absurd rhetorical question in the form of visual art.’ In other words: I like it, but I don’t get it.  I mean I get it, but only as much as someone can get it. Right?

In any case, they seemed to have blown up on the internet last year, so there’s a wealth of articles on them, which paint them to be irreverent and über-informed.

AIDS-3D Website

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Meme Generator

Posted in Kidz These Days by CMO on Saturday, February 13

This conversation, sparked by John Laroquettte’s cameo on Parks and Recreation, has been officially meme’d in 2 parts over at The Meme Generator. Check It Out!

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Conservatives, Where Do You Find This Stuff??

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, February 12

Apparently, it’s illegal for gay couples to adopt children in Florida.

How is this possible?  I mean seriously, has Florida not seen ABC’s smash hit television show Modern Family? Not only are Mitchell and Cam fabulously gay, but they also have an adopted baby girl, Lily.

I watch that, and I think: They’re not so different. I’ve locked my keys in the car before TONS of times.

Point is, The Florida Family Policy Council of Orlando doesn’t want people to know that gays are people too. Well, normal people.

So when a judge ruled that a one year old child could be permanently adopted by his gay foster parents, the FFPCO sent out the following picture of said couple (on the left, with the actual couple on the right):

Before and After

From the article:

And to make their point about just how frightening this ruling was, the Policy Council included a photograph of the couple — a strange and androgynous-looking duo, one with bleached skin and both with mullet haircuts. The couple look so odd (you literally can’t tell whether they are male or female) that one might wonder how any judge could place a young child with such a disturbing-looking duo.

So instead of them being a normal, dare I say, beautiful lesbian couple, they have been transformed into some kind of mongoloid man-lady homunculus.  Insane, right?  The FCCPO had to have conjured this image themselves, because in my decades spent looking at ridiculous images on the internet, I have never seen such a stereotypically offensive photo, and  I’ve seen this:

Had Gay Dads.

And this:

Googled Woman With Mustache Smoking.

I’m not trying to say the women (?) portrayed in the picture aren’t people too.  The picture isn’t of two people. It’s imagery used out of context to evoke a specific reaction. Like I said before though, I wouldn’t be surprised if these two were actually members of the FFPOO, reprising their roles as Moe and Dale in their ‘Gay Is A Choice’ skit from the Annual Summer FFC3PO Summit on Lake Okefenokee.

Article: Religious Right Selfishly Turns Boy Into Pawn in Gay-Adoption Battle.

Pretty, Pretty, Poltergeist: Girls and Ghosts.

Posted in Kidz These Days, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, February 5

I was cruising the Toys R’ Us website for The Storm Shadow G.I. Joe and Incredible Hulk Sound FX Hands, when I stumbled upon something very troubling. Apparently Hasbro made a Toys R’ Us exclusive Ouija board for girls aged 8+.

You Ouija, Girl!

From The Description:

It has always been mysterious. It has always been mystifying. And now the OUIJA Board is just for you, girl. With 72 fun questions included, you’ll never run out of things to ask. Who will call/text me next? Will I be a famous actor someday? Who wishes they could trade places with me?

Mysterious? Mystifying? You ask anybody who’s already superstitious and they’ll tell you about the time they were playing with their older cousin and asked ‘Who are we talking to?’ and the ouija board misspelled Beazulbub. Or when the board said it would kill them, and later they found scratches on their backs! Bad Juju.

Plus, isn’t this exactly how the Exorcist II started?

But seriously, with all the sexy tween Monster Squad dramatization zeitgeist swirling around us, I think Hasbro is positioning themselves for ‘Ouija Board: The Movie.’

Look to Girl-Ghost love movies of the 90’s: Ghost, Casper, and City of Angels. Oh yah, and what about Hollow Man? Well, technically it released in 2000, and didn’t feature a ghost but rather an invisible man. But it had a paranormal amount of invisible dude on woman action. You remember that? Scary, right?

Now imagine , a hunky shirtless ghost Taylor Lautner with his chiseled ghost abs haunting a 200 year old farmhouse in Alabama that Dakota Fanning’s movie family moves into.  After seeing him watching her from the attic while she does grave rubbings, their love affair starts when she figures out she can communicate with him through her Ouija board. Sexting ensues.

All Grown Up.

Mix that with the new clothing line Oh La La Cotoure fronted by  Noah Cyrus and BFF Emily Grace Reaves, and the only spirit girls worldwide will be able to summon is Gary Glitters’.

Update: Apparently, A ghost has abducted some little girls, and they’ve pulled the plug on the Pretty, Pretty, Poltergeist Ouija. There is now however a Glow In The Dark Ouija. I kind of want one now.