The Blog In The High Castle

Peter Quaife Goes To Sleep, Forever.

Posted in The Real World by CMO on Sunday, June 27

Peter Quaife, bassist and founding member of The Kinks died of kidney disesase this week at the age of 66.

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My Apocalypse Team: Rocky Mountain Rambo Gary Brooks Faulkner

Posted in My Apocalypse Team, The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, June 18

I’m starting a new column on the Blog In The High Castle (BITHC) called My Apocalypse Team.

A couple friends, my brother and I have loose agreement if society collapses and we are left to fend for ourselves, a lá Mad Max, we’ll meet at a predetermined rural location and form a little group and set off together to survive. We’ve chosen each other because we think we each possess a trait that will be useful to surviving in a feudal, lawless, wasteland once known as North America, and maybe Asia, via the Arctic ice bridge.

An A Team. Where the A stands for Apocalypse. So far, we’ve got a doctor, a weapons specialist, a captain, and me.  I’m the Wildcard: Scams? Yes. Disguises? Hell Yes. Popsicle stick knives? 25 years experience. Making light of horrendous situations? Especially.

I can also kill. But ONLY if I had to. Then I’d throw up, and swear to never do it again. Until I had to do it again.

Anyway, the point is… I have decided to write a column where I highlight people I would accept onto my Apocalypse Team. People who may or may not have katana training, but who have  the unmeasurables, the intangibles, giving them the ability to thrive in the surreal hell world it would be.

My first inductee is Rocky Mountain Rambo Gary Brooks Faulkner. This ex-con is on a mission from God to cut Osama bin Laden’s head off, having made six trips to Pakistan looking for him.  Initially I thought he was just a Coot, caught in the woods of Pakistan with among other things, night vision goggles, a sword, some christian texts and a small amount of hash. But the more I read, the more it sounds like he may not have been so crazy.

From The Denver Post:

With his long, bushy beard and passable language skills, Faulkner was able to get weapons and move around the countryside with relative ease, his brother said. It’s not surprising that he purchased a sword.

So in summation:

  • Night Vision Goggles
  • Swords
  • Disguises
  • Language Skills
  • Small Amounts of Hash

These are all reasons to include him on My Apocalypse Team.  Plus every group needs an older christian ex-con, to tell you stories from the 70’s while while teaching you how to make a rabbit snare.

Thanks Dangerous Minds.

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Beverly Hills Ghost

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Thursday, June 10

I had a moment in my busy schedule to sit down and read an OK! Magazine from cover to cover in the magazine aisle at Safeway last week. Not really, but I’ve see too many people doing it. Laying in the magazine aisle reading Details or Easy Rider. I know it’s a recession, but come on people! Read it on the toilet, like I do.

I digress….

Last week, Ok! Magazine reported that Vanessa Hudgens moved out of her mansion and back in with her parents. Why, you ask?  Apparently, her HOUSE IS HAUNTED! So says OK!:

This was the actress’ first home on her own. But now, after hearing doors slam shut and footsteps in an empty guest bedroom, Vanessa, 21, is back to crashing with her parents.

…and she’s taking the chandelier.

Apparently though, this report is false, and has been categorically denied by Vanessa Hudgens publicist, who says she is staying with her parents during renovation of the house.  Uh huh… more like exorcism. Now, I’ve actually seen a ghost, AND I’ve been to the Winchester Mystery House three times now, so I like to think of myself as an expert on ghosts, and I gaurantee that it’s probably haunted… with the ghost of those nude pictures she put on the internet.

That being said… Good for  you, OK! Magazine.  I’m glad you’re finally speaking my language.  Sure, you can do your ‘Who Wore It Better: Baby Edition’ spreads week after week…

Suri for sure, Violet’s trying too hard.

Or you can start covering famous people with haunted houses.  Make ghosts chic again. Beverly Hills Ghost you can call it. Headlines? Don’t get better than: River Phoenix seen breaking mirrors at the Viper Room or Michael Jackson spotted in a restroom in Disneyland. Both of which you could never use otherwise. Well, the magazine is all about pictures, you say? Seriously?  If the paparazzi can take this photo of lady gaga, imagine the ghost photos these guys can get.

In the next September Issue.

Ghosts can be a great accessory, too:  What kind of ghost do you have?  Me? Well I found my ghost in a small village in the south of France.  She hung herself when her truffle pig died.  She’s pretty quiet, only moans at night, overall very quaint.   What about you? None other than Phil Spector’s wife. Wow! She’s always turning the television on, and once she possessed my daughter.

If I had to choose anyone to haunt me… it’d probably be WC Fields. He’d probably drink all my booze and break my chairs, but it’d be worth it. Maybe Chaplin, he’d be a lot more quiet.

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Angels with Milk Covered Faces

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Wednesday, April 21

Breast Milk Offends

A Billboard in Cleveland has caused quite a stir. Pictured above, it promotes breast feeding, depicting a satisfied baby with breast milk dribbling down it’s chin, with the headline, ‘Breast milk satisfies’.

Apparently, the offense lies not in the word ‘breast’ displayed or the inference that this cute little baby just got done breast feeding, but rather the picture of the breast milk on the baby’s face.

“When I first saw it I thought, you know, I agree with breast milk, it’s fine but then I saw it with the milk around its mouth and I though that was so unappealing. The baby’s cute, but I did not like the milk coming out of his mouth” said Stephanie Swan.

I think this is absolutely ridiculous, but who am I to say what people should and shouldn’t be offended by though? On the internet, no less.

Instead, I offer a rebuttal, in the form of a series of portraits by the Iranian born artist Ashkan Sahihi entitled CUM SERIES:




Seems to me, people have better things to be up in arms about than a little breast milk.

Ohio Billboard Promotes Breastfeeding, Offends Some

Ashkan Sahihi

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Mystery Solved: Chinese Food & Donuts in California

Posted in The Real World by CMO on Wednesday, March 17

Having lived in California for the past 7 years, something that has always intrigued me is how many Donut & Chinese Food places there are around! There is nothing more comforting than finishing off a raspberry filled powdered donut and knowing that you could have some beef with brocolli or some chicken chow mein for desert.

But where did this odd pairing come from?  Katie Robbins asked that same question in a recent article for The Atlantic:

So why Chinese food and donuts? Chan had some answers, and it seemed that for many owners of such establishments, donuts came first. When he first emigrated from Cambodia in 1980, Chan, like many Cambodian immigrants, found a job in a donut shop. It was a trend begun by Ted Ngoy, who immigrated in 1975 and after learning the donut trade opened his own chain of shops. Ngoy went on to train the wave of Cambodian immigrants that followed. By the mid-’90s, 80 percent of California’s donut shops were Cambodian owned and operated. Chan says that when donuts stopped being sufficient to keep businesses running, many immigrants added Chinese food to their repertoires.

Makes sense. A quick scan of my neighborhood shows the chinese food as an interloper, sometimes crammed onto a temporary sign next to the permanent donuts sign. Sometimes they don’t even bother to change the sign from a previous business either.

Read on Chinese and Donuts: A California Mystery

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Keep an eye on Helsinki

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Friday, March 5

Buster (18)

I’m wearing my grandfather’s old stuff. Shoes are Filippa K. I’m not comfortable with new, modern clothes. I like classic, anonymous style like school uniforms and marine clothes. I like to think that I can dress old-fashioned but keep my mind fresh.

Have you ever been reading the Kalevala, and find yourself thinking, ‘I wonder what’s going on in Finland?’ I do, so I frequent Hel-Looks, a photo journal of Helsinki fashion. The fashion is stark, the descriptions are charming, and the site is simple. Kind of like the people. More than just what people are wearing though, it’s an interesting view into a culture that I identify with, yet know little about.

Kalle (35)

I’m wearing a party outfit because we are having a small holiday with my family. Before my style was more dandy-like and natty. Now it’s more flexible because of the children.I like bright colours that remind traffic signs. They are so urban and prosaic.

Liisa (20)

I’m inspired by the styles of old French men, dress shirts and clear lines. Material and quality are the most important things what comes to clothes. Lately I’ve worn black jeans shorts with a wide top.

Mikko (22)

Recently I dyed all my clothes black. It was too hard trying to match the colours. Lately I’ve been thinking about Finnish identity and inspired by artist Martta Tuomaala.

Website: Hel-Looks

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I Wish They All Could Be Pretty Boys 2

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World by CMO on Saturday, February 20

Apparently the Guido phenomenon isn’t confined to the shores of Jersey. Pretty Boys 2: The Second Coming, a Danuido (Danish Guido?) compilation video from Denmark.  All set to seminal Rammstein song Du Hast.

I try to avoid perpertuating annoying fads, but I’ll take every chance I can stick it to the Danish. Take that enlightened magnificent Norse Gods! Stick that in your Hague.

PLUS!!! Pretty boy Hans Christian Anderson. It’s UN-CANNY.

Walter Van Beirendonck, Whimsy Much?

Posted in The Real World, Uncategorized by CMO on Saturday, February 13

Fashions from the ‘TAKE A W-RIDE’ Fall/Winter 2010/11 collection  by Belgian fashion designer Walter Van Beirendonck.

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Conservatives, Where Do You Find This Stuff??

Posted in Kidz These Days, The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, February 12

Apparently, it’s illegal for gay couples to adopt children in Florida.

How is this possible?  I mean seriously, has Florida not seen ABC’s smash hit television show Modern Family? Not only are Mitchell and Cam fabulously gay, but they also have an adopted baby girl, Lily.

I watch that, and I think: They’re not so different. I’ve locked my keys in the car before TONS of times.

Point is, The Florida Family Policy Council of Orlando doesn’t want people to know that gays are people too. Well, normal people.

So when a judge ruled that a one year old child could be permanently adopted by his gay foster parents, the FFPCO sent out the following picture of said couple (on the left, with the actual couple on the right):

Before and After

From the article:

And to make their point about just how frightening this ruling was, the Policy Council included a photograph of the couple — a strange and androgynous-looking duo, one with bleached skin and both with mullet haircuts. The couple look so odd (you literally can’t tell whether they are male or female) that one might wonder how any judge could place a young child with such a disturbing-looking duo.

So instead of them being a normal, dare I say, beautiful lesbian couple, they have been transformed into some kind of mongoloid man-lady homunculus.  Insane, right?  The FCCPO had to have conjured this image themselves, because in my decades spent looking at ridiculous images on the internet, I have never seen such a stereotypically offensive photo, and  I’ve seen this:

Had Gay Dads.

And this:

Googled Woman With Mustache Smoking.

I’m not trying to say the women (?) portrayed in the picture aren’t people too.  The picture isn’t of two people. It’s imagery used out of context to evoke a specific reaction. Like I said before though, I wouldn’t be surprised if these two were actually members of the FFPOO, reprising their roles as Moe and Dale in their ‘Gay Is A Choice’ skit from the Annual Summer FFC3PO Summit on Lake Okefenokee.

Article: Religious Right Selfishly Turns Boy Into Pawn in Gay-Adoption Battle.

Walmart’s Got It All.

Posted in The Real World, The World Is Effed by CMO on Friday, February 12

This is footage of a man smashing 27 flat screen TV’s at a Walmart in Georgia with a baseball bat.

Where’d he get the baseball bat?  From the sporting goods department, duh!

Walmart truly is a One-Stop Crazy Person Having An Violent Impulse And Then Acting On It Place To Shop. I had a similar reaction a couple years ago: Christian at Walmart.

Now as funny as watching this man having his Falling Down moment is, I wish he’d been a little more creative in his execution.

Maybe say… smashing 27 flat screen TVs at Walmart by throwing Wii Remotes at them…

Or to emphasize his insanity he should have maybe pulled the Ol’ Forgotten Baseball Bat routine, ala Jam:

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